He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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