I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
