so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
