I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
