My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
