smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
