Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
