Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
