my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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