You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
