She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
do nipples grow back?
Randomize