Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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