did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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