Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
