The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
