I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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