meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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