Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
