Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
