im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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