I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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