omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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