I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
