I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
