I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she told me i tasted like america
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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