i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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