It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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