i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm always down for nudity.
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