Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
