Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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