i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
