oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
