I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
