I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
