like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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