doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
