You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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