GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've blown a few things in my day
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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