so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
