I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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