there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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