I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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