Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
