he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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