Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
