i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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