i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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