i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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