dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
