I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize