the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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