3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
