don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize