Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
