The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize