I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
