Me too!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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