I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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