Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Never joke about your clitoris.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
