I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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