I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
