new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
