I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
