the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
