i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
