Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize