i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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