Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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