it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
