he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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