omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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