babies were throwing up all over the place
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
